a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
