just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
