Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
