went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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