Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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