I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
