8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
