sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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