everyone is single if you try hard enough
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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