UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
