I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
