we have officially lost it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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