great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
