i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am spending my child support on dildos
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
