i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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