I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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