SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
