i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Actions speak louder than pants.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
