Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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