Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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