Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
