3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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