i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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