I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
