i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize