Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
