I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
