found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
