Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
