Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
