i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
