i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
