I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
