Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
