Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
