You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
