I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
