Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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