How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
