I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
