There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
