Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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