I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
we should paint friendship bongs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
