Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
