the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
