i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
