I take back everything I said about communal showers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
