My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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