i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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