fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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