She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
don't judge my taste in strippers
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
