I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
