There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
