If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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