I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
