I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
