If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
