He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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