The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
